Archive for category Humor
Dinosaur-Bird Link Found; Dinosaur-Byrd Connection Still Elusive
Byrd: The Dinosaur
A newly discovered fossil is proving to be the missing link between dinosaurs and birds. Scientists have finally been able to figure out why a group of dinosaurs resemble birds.
Named the Haplocheirus sollers, the dinosaur had short arms and a large claw that are believed to be evolved independently of birds. The 3m-long skeleton was discovered in the Gobi Desert in the Central Asian nation of Mongolia.
“While we are excited to have discovered this unique dinosaur-bird connection, we are yet to understand why certain dinosaurs resemble Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia,” Jonah Choiniere from George Washington University told the BBC.
Researchers, however, feel excited about the possibility of solving the last remaining puzzle of the evolution. Several dinosaur fossils have been discovered that are believed to have developed hoods much later than Senator Byrd.
“We’re hopeful that the Gobi will finally yield us a fossil that will explain this Dinosaur-Byrd anomaly,” said Choiniere.
Sly Saves Eurostar
Sly!
Sylvester Stallone, star of the 1996 Hollywood blockbuster Daylight, was called upon to reprise his role to save the 2,000 passengers aboard the Eurostar trains trapped in the Channel Tunnel.
“Sly has previously saved the lives of hundreds of trapped motorists when the Holland Tunnel collapsed in 1996,” said Commissioner Hal Turnchuck of the Chunnel Authority. “We had to call on him because the lives of our passengers were in mortal danger.”
Mr. Stallone, however, was disappointed his job this time wasn’t quite as heroic as in his ‘96 movie and nobody seemed to care he was even there. He escorted many of the passengers out of the tunnel, ensuring their safety and well-being, but he didn’t even receive as much as a thank you. “Kit Latura was there to save their lives in case the tunnel collapsed and they don’t even care. I even flew here on the red-eye. Ungrateful [expletive].”
Our correspondent asked several of the travelers about Mr. Stallone’s presence and the commonest reply was “Who?”
My Dearest Comrade Supreme Leader
3:48 pm, December 16th, 2009 on Foreign Policy, Humor
My Dearest Comrade Supreme Leader,
I have been such a fan of your work since I was a college student – it is such an honor to be able to write to your eminence today in my humble role as the President of the United States. Your unfailing ability to maintain a strong and successful Communist government inspires me every day to strive to create a socialist regime in our country. I wish to meet you in person to discuss my plans for a new socialist government in Washington.
When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I’d make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then I saw the movies inspired during your time at the Propaganda and Agitation Department, especially the Five Guerrilla Brothers and other operatic adaptations of the Eternal President’s works. I was truly inspired by the policy of juche instituted by your father, the Eternal President, and greatly developed and expanded by your eminence, and your policy of making bureaucrats work among workers at the next subordinate level.
I want our economy to follow your policies of self-reliance and inter-dependence. I am guided by your principle that man is the master of everything and decides everything. I have read your book ” The Juche Philosophy Is an Original Revolutionary Philosophy” many times.
I know it will be difficult to institute the ideal system in our country but I am hopeful. With your guidance and wishes, I hope to succeed very soon.
My evil capitalist colleagues are forcing me to discuss with you North Korea’s plans to establish nuclear independence. I feel that you are right in your insistence to firmly establish North Korea as the most powerful country in the world and I would do anything to assist you in your quest.
I humbly request you to agree to restarting six-party peace talks to give me an opportunity to make your acquaintance in person.
At your service,
Barack
Dilbert’s Take on GM’s Fritz Henderson Step Down
1:06 pm, December 7th, 2009 on Humor
Obama Takes Credit for Jobs Lost: Only 5.2% Actually Unemployed
2:48 pm, November 6th, 2009 on Humor, White House
Obama Wastes Away
U.S. President Barack Obama says that the latest unemployment figures show the stimulus is working and Congress is doing the right by focusing on health care reform.
“In the entire month of October, American employers shed merely 190,000 jobs. Looking at the bigger picture of 300 million Americans, that is but a drop in the bucket. Even with 15.7 million unemployed, only 5.2% of Americans are actually out of a job,” said President Obama during his speech in the Rose Garden.
“The stimulus package passed by my Congress earlier this year has saved and is continuing to save hundreds of thousands of jobs. Without those trillion dollars, we would have most likely lost 3 times as many as we did.”
“We were elected to build a future. Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid are doing the right thing by focusing on providing health care to the millions of Americans without coverage, an issue central to that future of our great country.”
The Labor Department reports that almost 15.7 million Americans were out of work in October. 190,000 jobs were shed last month, down from the 219,000 jobs lost in September. It was the 22nd consecutive month that the economy has lost jobs, the longest slump in the 70 years records have been kept.
Michael Bloomberg Declared Mayor-For-Life
Shameless
Despite a surprisingly narrow victory in yesterday’s election, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has been declared Mayor-For-Life by the New York City Council.
In a hurried vote held behind closed doors earlier this morning, the Council voted to repeal the term limits law and appointed Mr. Bloomberg as the permanent mayor. Mayoral elections were scrapped beginning 2013.
“Mayor Bloomberg has shown an uncanny ability to manage this great city and maintain its reputation as one of the safest and best places to live and work,” said Alan J. Gerson, a senior member of Council, in a statement released after the morning vote. Read on »
How Did The Nigerian Government Recover the Money From Bank Debtors?
This is how… now you know too…
Dear Sir,
Good day and compliments. This letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine the future and continued existence of the entire members of my family. Read on »
Dilbert’s Take on Corporate Reviews
The so-called “performance reviews” used by companies to justify specific layoffs are just as arbitrary as the description “fish-faced nincompoop.”
Russia Finds Missing Freighter, Atlantis
Atlantis: Found
Russia announced today that it has found its missing cargo vessel near the Cape Verde islands, off the west coast of Africa, and has retrieved all crew members.
In a stunning revelation, the Russian spokesman also announced that their search and rescue team was able to locate and identify the long lost continent of Atlantis. Read on »
Pro-Georgian Tweeter Writes To Medvedev; Forwarded to Putin
Dear Vlad,
What should I do in this matter?
Yours,
Dmitri
From: ‘Giorgi aka cyxymu’
Sent: Thursday, August 6, 2009 21:00
To: ‘Dmitri Anatolievich Medvedev’
Subject: DDos Attacks
To President of Russian federation
Dmitri Anatolievich Medvedev
Mr. President, Read on »
North Korean Nuclear Materials Being Peddled on Indian Streets (Already)
Indian scientists and police searching a North Korean ship detained near the Andaman and Nicobar islands have not found any nuclear materials aboard, according to a home ministry spokesman.
The vessel, MV Mu San, dropped anchor without permission on Wednesday, but attempted to flee when contacted by the Indian coastguard. The ship was later detained after a chase and escorted to Port Blair, the capital of the islands.
“We have been checking the ship for any radioactive material, but I must say we have found nothing like that so far,” senior Andaman police official Ashok Chand said. “But we will continue checking it until we are satisfied there is nothing wrong with the consignment.”
Meanwhile, your correspondent was able to get quotes on several North Korea-made nuclear weapon components and raw materials, and other weaponry, at a street market in Port Blair.
The market is awash with illicit armaments that have been brought ashore since Wednesday, according to a street peddler selling Chinese-made hand grenades.
“We buy weapons from police. Big cargo come Korea,” he said. “Very cheap – 10 grenades for 100 Rupees. China grenades. No like? Plutonium – only 1000 Rupees a kilo. Special price for you. Special price. Ok, only 900 Rupees a kilo just for you. Very good price. No beat.”
Saudi Dep. PM Incensed His Sexual Conquests Not Featured; Shuts Down TV Station
5:06 pm, August 10th, 2009 on Humor, Middle East
Pretending Piety
The station had broadcast an interview with a Saudi man boasting of his sexual conquests. The 32-year-old Saudi man’s interview shocked conservative Saudi society, prompting calls for him to be punished. Mazen Abdul Jawad talked about his sexual conquests and how he picks up women in the kingdom. Read on »
Hillary Purchases Angolan Diamond Mine
5:58 pm, August 9th, 2009 on Foreign Policy, Humor
Reaching Out
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has purchased an entire diamond mine in Luanda, Angola, while on her trip to the southern African nation.
The mine was previously controlled by the UNITA rebels, who had waged war against the Angolan government until 2002. The term “conflict diamonds” came to exemplify those supplied primarily by mines in Luanda.
While not know for her extravagant jewelery, Ms. Clinton has shown an inclination to move away from her predominantly bead jewelry. The Angolan mine will ensure a constant supply of legal and high quality diamonds for her own use and for diplomatic purposes, according to a source.
Angola is Clinton’s third stop on her African tour. She is rapidly establishing a business empire to finance her next run for presidency, when she takes on President Obama in 2012.
Clinton Met Mistress in Pyongyang
Using His Charms
Former U.S. President Bill Clinton met his long-lost mistress and former Miss North Korea, Byang Soon Jing Kin, in Pyongyang during his recent trip.
While officially on mission to affect the release of two arrested American journalists, Clinton took time from his schedule to spend several hours alone in the company of Ms. Jing Kin.
Clinton also purchased several boxes of Cuban cigars from duty-free shops at the Seoul International Airport during his brief stop-over on his way to Pyongyang.
According to a source familiar with the matter, Clinton had been planning a trip to Pyongyang for several months now, but was unable to obtain necessary clearance. “The two journalists gave him an excuse to fly to North Korea.”
In related news, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is also planning to visit North Korea. The purpose of the trip is yet undisclosed.
Asian Solar Eclipse Prompts White House Action
6:57 pm, July 21st, 2009 on Economy, Humor, White House
Praying For Voodoo
An impending solar eclipse, that is expected to darken much of East and South Asia for upto 6 minutes at its peak, is prompting action from the White House.
US President Obama is eager to take advantage of the many religious rituals and practices designed to ward off evil and bring good luck during the solar eclipse, which is believed to be unauspicious according to local superstitions. Read on »
Obama Declares War Against the Uninsured
12:39 pm, July 21st, 2009 on Health, Humor, White House
Delirious
The Obama administration today announced a sustained, national campaign against the uninsured, one that will go far beyond retaliation against the perpetrators of insurance terrorism in the United States.
U.S. President Barack Obama said the campaign would become the driving force of his presidency, and other top officials described a methodical unleashing of United States health insurers likely to unfold not in a single, retaliatory spasm but in repeated strikes aimed at destroying bases of the uninsured terrorists and the communities that harbor them. Read on »
Hillary Visits India; Distressed by Use of Male Honorific
Confusing 'Em Indians
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is visiting New Delhi on her official visit to India, to energize Indo-American relations at a time economic and geopolitical challenges lie ahead of the two allies.
But, Ms. Clinton is perturbed by the constant use of the male honorific by Indian officials, of both gender. Her protocol officer has pointed out the mistake to his Indian counter-part, but Clinton’s hosts continue to address her as Mr. Clinton, Mr. Secretary, Sir, and so on.
“She is not too happy being addressed as Mr. Clinton. She is proud of her femininity and cannot understand why even Prime Minister Singh calls her Mr. Secretary,” said a spokesman of the State Department. “But she is more than happy to forgive and forget, in the spirit of our President Barack Obama.” Read on »
Somali Fighters Share Hostages, Love
Looking for Some Lovin'?
Two French security advisers, who were kidnapped by Hizbul-Islam from their Mogadishu hotel earlier this week, are now being held by two different extremist groups in Somalia, according to sources familiar with the matter.
After disagreements between the kidnappers and the al-Shabab group, Hizbul-Islam handed one of the men over to placate the demands of the other, stronger organization.
In addition to sharing the hostages, the Islamist groups are also being accused of sharing the love. The nabbed Frenchmen were believed to possess several romance novels, pornographic magazines and videos, all of which were stolen at the time of the kidnapping. It is believed that these items are now being widely distributed among different groups across rebel-held southern Somalia. Read on »
Letterman’s Top Ten Signs Sonia Sotomayor Is Getting Cocky
1:33 pm, July 15th, 2009 on Humor, Liberalism, Politics
Last night:
10. Addressed senators with “Whaddaya say, Meat?”
9. Spent the entire hearing updating her Twitter page
8. Interrupted questioning to get fitted for her robe
7. Turned surprisingly hostile when told “No open containers”
6. Left early to tackle the case of Sotomayor vs. Applebee’s Riblets
5. Started hitting on Clarence Thomas
4. Kept referring to Al Franken as “Church Lady”
3. Phoned in from All Star Game in St. Louis to see how the confirmation hearings were going
2. Only answers she gave were “Maybe” and “How the hell should I know?”
1. Took the day off to go salmon fishing with Sarah Palin
Via, Freedom Eden.
Concealment of Unidentified CIA Program Ordered from Undisclosed Location
5:52 pm, July 12th, 2009 on Foreign Policy, Humor
Hidden Away
The Central Intelligence Agency withheld information about an unidentified program from Congress for eight years on direct orders from former Vice President Dick Cheney. The concealment orders were issued from an undisclosed location and later confirmed, again, from an undisclosed location.
The report that Mr. Cheney issued the orders from an undisclosed location has deepened the mystery surrounding it, suggesting that the Bush administration placed a high priority on its secrecy. Read on »
Human Rights Over Animal Rights
Animal rights activists, as with the more broader environmentalists, tend to go overboard with their arguments, as this guy does, and their incoherence is only topped by their single-minded obsession.
I found this post rather amusing, and I feel like mocking his arguments, just for fun. Nothing personal. And, please accept my apologies if my idiocy offends you. It’s just like letting off some steam.
So here goes: Read on »
Dartmouth Introduces Policy Changes; President to Called General Secretary of the Workers’ Party
An Artist's Rendering of Dartmouth's New Pennant
Newly appointed Dartmouth President Jim Yong Kim announced today that the College is introducing several institutional changes, in both policy and administration.
These changes will better reflect the College’s goal to become the next Harvard University and a haven for communists and socialists in New Hampshire, he said.
The position of the President is being renamed the General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Dartmouth. The current Board of Trustees is to form the new Central Committee, with Chairman Ed Haldemann ‘70 to continue in his role. Read on »
Al Qaeda Now Bombing Iraq to Protest Against American Withdrawal
5:27 pm, June 24th, 2009 on Humor, Middle East
Al-Masri: Confused
Al Qaeda is starting a new campaign to bomb Iraqi cities and kill civilians to protest American withdrawal next week.
Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, described the impending withdrawal as detrimental to Al Qaeda’s long term goals of terrorizing the population of the Middle East and destroying Israel.
“America invaded Iraq without asking us, but they have to receive our explicit permission before they can leave. Who do they think they are? They can’t just leave now,” said Al Masri.
The audio recording of Al-Masri’s statements was embedded in a relatively brief 10 minute video produced by As Sahab Media, Al-Qaeda’s propaganda arm, according to the SITE Intelligence Group. It was posted on jihadist web forums only a short while back.
In Albany, Democrats Like Backdoor Business
Does She Like Backdoor Entry? Courtesy, NYT.
During the confusion and bickering that ensued as a result of the Democrats’ and Republicans’ decisions to hold separate Senate sessions in Albany, Democrats entered the Senate chamber through the backdoor and liked it.
Democrats locked the doors to the Senate thereafter, denying Republicans even the opportunity to enjoy a more natural entrance.
They then proceeded to introduce and vote on bills, including such momentous bills as legalizing same-sex marriage, promoting sodomy in state institutions of higher education, and paying for more sex-change operations in prisons.
“As we legislate on issues relating to gay marriage, promiscuity among our youth and sexual fulfillment in prisons, it is only appropriate we enter the chamber via the backdoor,” commented Kevin S. Parker, a Democrat from the Bronx.
WA State Wants to Imitate Blackstone with Negative Revenue
5:10 pm, June 23rd, 2009 on Humor, Politics, Washington State
Gregoire, Master of Budgetary Arts
With constantly declining revenues projections and increasing budget outlays, the Washington state Treasury is now preparing to function with negative revenues till 2011. Latest projections have estimated a further drop of $482 million and economists predict the state to actually have negative revenue beginning 2010.
Washington State Governor Chris Gregoire announced earlier today that she was “tired” of dealing with constantly dwindling income for the state.
“It is considered an ideal for government to imitate the private sector. If Blackstone, the pinnacle of private enterprise, can have negative revenue, why can’t we? I am absolutely tired of dealing with this bullshit of revenue generation.
“Being liberal Democrats, we can’t stop spending, nor can we stop increasing our budget. That would be completely unacceptable. Fuck the rest.
Dartmouth’s New Korean President being Courted by South and North Korea
Dr. Kim Laughing at Dartmouth
Dr. Jim Yong Kim, Korean-born Harvard Medical School official and newly appointed President of Dartmouth College in Hanover, NH, is being aggressively courted by officials from both South and North Korea before he makes his final decisions about the future of the College.
During his acceptance speech in March, Kim outlined his plans to build “on the many achievements of Jim Wright and his predecessors that have made Dartmouth the vibrant, world-class institution it is today” and to “help build on Dartmouth’s great traditions as well as its singular role in higher education.”
According to Kim, the first steps include “taking sides” in the great battle between the mighty forces of communism and capitalism on the Korean peninsula and renaming Dartmouth College to represent its new alignment.
Mayor of Madagascar’s Second City Wants to be President Now
Madagascar: The Nation, not The Movie
The Mayor of Toamasina, Madagascar’s second largest city and chief port, wants to become the next President of that Indian Ocean island nation.
Attending the extraordinary summit of the Southern African Development Community (SADC) in Johannesburg, Mayor Michael Ratsiraka announced that his city of Toamasina has long “suffered” at the hands of Antananarivo, the capital. “Toamasina is the lifeline of this country. If the mayor of Antananarivo can become President, then the mayor of Toamasina deserves to become President as well. I will make it happen and the military will back me this time.”
Meanwhile, member states of the SADC have called for peaceful political dialogue in Madagascar, naming a former president of Mozambique to lead negotiations. Attendees refused to comment on Mr. Ratsiraka’s announcement.
A spokesman for the Madagascar military establishment in Antananarivo said it was reasonable for Mayor Ratsiraka to expect a promotion. In case of another attempted coup, the army would “evaluate the available options and support the candidate most supportive of the goals and aspirations of the generals.”
Ethiopia Wants to Invade Somebody Else Now
Ethiopian Spokesman
Ethiopia has refused a request from Somalia to intervene in its escalating crisis, claiming it isn’t really into second helpings.
Somalian Transitional Government troops have been battling Islamist insurgents who control much of the country. The Speaker of Somalia’s parliament has urged neighboring countries to send troops within 24 hours. Ethiopian troops helped topple an Islamist movement in Somalia in 2006, but were withdrawn earlier this year.
This time, however, Ethiopia wasn’t interested, according to government spokesman Bereket Simon. “We’ve already invaded Somalia once and it didn’t yield us anything of value, apart from testing our latest military acquisitions. Read on »
Obama: I am Watching (and Learning from) Iran
4:51 pm, June 19th, 2009 on Humor, Middle East, White House
The news according to media reports, and the translation into what Obama really means:
US President Barack Obama has warned Iran that “the world is watching.”
Obama: “I am watching and learning how to violently suppress dissent when I institute radical changes in the USA.”
[He] said that the way the authorities dealt with people who were “trying to be heard” would send a message to the international community.
Obama: “Your system needs improvement. I can do better. Yes, I can!”
Alert: Fred Thompson To Run for President on Law & Order
TO: Fred PAC Supporters
FROM: Will Andrews
This Sunday, Senator Fred Thompson will appear on NBC’s Meet the Press to make an important announcement that is being sent out to our most ardent supporters in advance.
With all the challenges facing America and the mounting number of errors and bad judgments being made by the Obama regime, it is essential to have Senator Thompson get the facts and a dose of reality out to the American people, by running for President on NBC’s Law & Order.
Senator Thompson has served as DA Arthur Branch for 5 years from 2002 to 2007 on the show, before stepping down to run for the President of the United States in 2008. During his ground-breaking campaign, the Senator highlighted issues important to conservatives and worked closely with Senators McCain and Obama to ensure that your voice was heard at all times.
Election Protests Turn into Muharram Matam Amidst Confusion
1:27 pm, June 18th, 2009 on Humor, Middle East
The Infamous Zanjeer
More than 100,000 people attended a “day of mourning” rally in Tehran to remember eight people killed while opposing Iran’s election result. The rally was called by Mir Hossein Mousavi, a former presidential challenger and erstwhile Deputy Fuhrer.
Attendees were soon confused and perturbed by the presence of over 10,000 individuals self-flagellating and engaging in zanjeer matam, in commemoration of the death of Imam Hussayn at the Battle of Karbala. Hundreds of azadars vehemently beat their breasts and heads with chains, swords and knives, bleeding profusely. Men, women, children and infants were observed participating in this ritual generally reserved for the Islamic month of Muharram. Read on »
GOP to re-launch as the Scandalous Old Party
In a YouTube video released Thursday, Michael Steele, Chairman of the RNC, announced that the GOP was to be completely revamped and re-launched on July 1, 2009, as the Scandalous Old Party (SOP).
Steele: Looking to the Future
“After several days of gut-wrenching and heart-wrenching discussions over the future of the Republican Party, the National Committee has decided to rename the party to better reflect the true nature and predispositions of its elected officials,” revealed Steele.
“A new pre-requisite for contesting SOP primaries would be a scandalous background, such as extra-marital affairs, bribe-taking, sexual perversion, and so on, or, at the very least, a desire to engage in such activities once elected.”
After the statements, Steele was joined on-screen by the Political Math/Ten Thousand Pennies guy who appeared beside him singing “So, so, so scandalous … That’s why you know you should be scared of us,” apparently taking cue from the background music provided by Mis-Teeq’s hip-hop hit Scandalous. Read on »
Clinton Fractures Elbow, Disappoints Bill (Again)
Bill Clinton, a former President of the United States, was frankly outraged and quite disappointed that Hillary Clinton, the current Secretary of State, only fractured her elbow during a fall Wednesday, according to sources familiar with the matter.
Clinton: Not Too Happy
“I was hoping to move back into the White House for another 12 years. That bitch couldn’t even beat that [explicit] in the primaries. Then, she couldn’t convince the boys to appoint her Veep. I would have liked the Naval Observatory – can you imagine a constant supply of hot naval chicks?
“And, now, this. If she had been more seriously injured and admitted to the hospital for a few days, I could have enjoyed some guiltless debauchery without her constant prying. Ever since Monica, I haven’t been to have fun when she’s around. The only consolation has been her regular travel.
“But, no, she had to go and only injure her elbow. I am very disappointed, again,” Clinton was overheard saying to his buddies over drinks at his favorite club in Washington.
According to the same sources, Clinton has given an ultimatum to his beloved wife: she’d better create a serious enough crisis to oust Obama in the 2011 primaries or, at the very least, replace that Biden fellow in 2012, or else face divorce.
In international news, an advertisement looking for “chubby, sexual interns” regularly placed in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea, newspapers has been traced to an Honorary Grand Commander of the Order of Logohu and was paid for in US Dollars.
Clinton, who is a member of that elite grouping, has made several covert trips to the Pacific Ocean nation in recent months. A spokesman for the Clinton Foundation refused to comment on this developing story.
Jodie Foster Ready to be Impressed Now
12:15 pm, June 17th, 2009 on Humor
Jodie Foster, the Academy Award winning actress, announced in a press release today that she was ready to be impressed again by John Hinckley, who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan nearly three decades ago apparently to wow her.
A court ruled Tuesday that Hinckley can spend more time outside his psychiatric hospital and even apply for a driver’s license. Hinckley has been committed to a Washington-area hospital since he shot and wounded Reagan and three others in March 1981. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Hinckley has said he shot Reagan to impress Foster.
Old and Impressionable
“I wasn’t sufficiently affected by John in 1981,” said Foster, “It’s not entirely cool to try to kill a President, even if he’s a Republican. Alas, George W Bush is no longer in office. I hope John will find a better way to impress me this time around. He can borrow my sports car if he likes, but only after he gets his driver’s license.”
An inside source, who wishes to remain unnamed, at Foster’s studio mentioned to your correspondent that she feels deprived of having fans who want to impress her nowadays. With only a string of average or below-average movies over the past few years and approaching a not-so-sexy 50, Foster has been forced to yield to the younger and hotter Hiltons and Lohans. The source also mentioned that Foster was willing to help Hinckley in any way possible to assist him in his quest to impress.
In other news, U.S. District Judge Paul Friedman, the one who had relaxed Hinckley’s incarceration, apparently did so also to impress Foster. In an unreleased 44th page of his 43-page ruling obtained by the Sun Newspaper, Friedman kept doodling “Impress Jodie” over and over again.
Ahmadinejad Declares Fourth Reich; New Persian Empire Forthcoming
3:04 pm, June 13th, 2009 on Humor, Middle East
Soon after the authorities declared Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the official winner of Iran’s presidential election on Saturday afternoon, the Iranian President announced the creation of the Fourth Reich and his desire to re-establish a new Persian Empire.
Ahmedinejad at the press conference © TopNewsIndia
“Mein Fuhrer Adolf Hitler is my personal hero. He killed 5 million Jews during his Third Reich. I can do better. Israel now has a population of 7 million Jews. I can make Hitler proud by killing them all and ridding this Earth of the Jewish scourge. I hereby declare the establishment of the Fourth Reich with its capital in Shiraz. I hereby declare myself the Fuhrer of Iran,” Ahmadinejad said during a press conference held in Shiraz Saturday evening.
Ahmadinejad alluded to the glories of the Persian Empire by mentioning that it once stretched from Libya in the West to China in the East. “I plan to spread my Reich from ocean to ocean. With the help of the great Iranian peoples, we shall once again rule the world and there shall be no Jewish or Sunni threat to challenge us,” said Ahmadinejad. He went to mention a list of states that had opposed Iran in the past and would face the brunt of his new military might, including the United States, the United Kingdom, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan and the UAE.
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- 'No giveaway Budget' says Darling 3: 05 pm, March 11, 2010The Chancellor Alistair Darling warns not to expect a "giveaway" when the Budget is announced later this month. […]
- Bosnian fallout 2: 00 pm, March 11, 2010Pressure on UK after arrest of ex-Bosnian president […]
- Iraq results point to tight race 1: 38 pm, March 11, 2010First results from Iraq's election suggest a tight contest may be developing between PM Nouri Maliki and main rival Iyad Allawi. […]
- Biden tries to ease Mid-East row 1: 36 pm, March 11, 2010US Vice-President Joe Biden says Middle East peace talks must resume, despite a row over Israeli settlement plans. […]
- Liverpool sunk by late Lille goal 1: 10 pm, March 11, 2010Liverpool face an uphill task to progress from the last 16 of the Europa League after Eden Hazard's goal gives a lively Lille side a 1-0 first-leg lead. […]
- Anguish for kidnap boy's family 1: 06 pm, March 11, 2010Relatives of kidnapped five-year-old Sahil Saeed speak of their anguish as reports of his release turn out to be false. […]
- James Bulger's mother meets Straw 12: 59 pm, March 11, 2010Justice Secretary Jack Straw meets the mother of murdered toddler James Bulger to discuss the return to prison of one of her son's killers. […]
- Obama urges China action on yuan 12: 55 pm, March 11, 2010US President Barack Obama has urged China to change its currency strategy to help re-balance the global economy. […]
- It's quiz time! 5: 11 pm, March 11, 2010
When Can Bernie Madoff Invest My Money Again?
