Jodie Foster, the Academy Award winning actress, announced in a press release today that she was ready to be impressed again by John Hinckley, who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan nearly three decades ago apparently to wow her.
A court ruled Tuesday that Hinckley can spend more time outside his psychiatric hospital and even apply for a driver’s license. Hinckley has been committed to a Washington-area hospital since he shot and wounded Reagan and three others in March 1981. He was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Hinckley has said he shot Reagan to impress Foster.
Old and Impressionable
“I wasn’t sufficiently affected by John in 1981,” said Foster, “It’s not entirely cool to try to kill a President, even if he’s a Republican. Alas, George W Bush is no longer in office. I hope John will find a better way to impress me this time around. He can borrow my sports car if he likes, but only after he gets his driver’s license.”
An inside source, who wishes to remain unnamed, at Foster’s studio mentioned to your correspondent that she feels deprived of having fans who want to impress her nowadays. With only a string of average or below-average movies over the past few years and approaching a not-so-sexy 50, Foster has been forced to yield to the younger and hotter Hiltons and Lohans. The source also mentioned that Foster was willing to help Hinckley in any way possible to assist him in his quest to impress.
In other news, U.S. District Judge Paul Friedman, the one who had relaxed Hinckley’s incarceration, apparently did so also to impress Foster. In an unreleased 44th page of his 43-page ruling obtained by the Sun Newspaper, Friedman kept doodling “Impress Jodie” over and over again.
